Put your heavy metal to the test
Might be half a love song in it all for you
Timing wise it's probably for the best
Come here and kiss me now before it gets too cute

Mr. Schwartz is staying strong for the crew
Wardrobe's lint rolling your velveteen suit
And smudging dubbin on your dancing shoes

Gradually it's coming into view
It's like your little directorial debut
As fine a time as any to deduce
The fact that neither you or I has ever had a clue

Mr. Schwartz is staying strong for the crew
Wardrobe's lint rolling your velveteen suit
And smudging dubbin on your dancing shoes

And if we guess who I'm pretending to be
Do we win a prize?
Having attempted twice, both incorrectly
Do we get a third try?

The gloved hand's reaching in to hit the switch
And there's not one goddamn thing that you can do about it

Mr. Schwartz is having tea with the grips
Asking after all the wives and the kids
It's at the heart of what the business is