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Bongo's Trousers

John Cooper Clarke

Who stole Bongo's trousers?
And his ten-gallon stetson hat
He can't save the fucking planet
Improperly dressed like that
Who stole Bongo's trousers?
Can he get'em back
He's tryin to save the fuckin' planet
(OTHER VERSION: To do some good in the world)
That's no way to act

Who stole Bongo's trousers?
Was it Posh or Beck?
He can't admire the fucking pope
Without his fucking keks
World politics is a tough enough gig
Without this kind of shit
He'll give you some other stuff
If you give him back his kit

Yes who stole that stetson hat
Who stole those leather strides
And those Vegas-period Elvis shades
With the gold meccano sides
Trousers shades
Eighty-pint Stetson
Can he have them back?
He's cutting a deal about third-world debt (... and poverty and that)
Please cut him some slack
He does not have to care so much
He's alright as he is
It's rare to find such selflessness
Especially in The Biz
Who stole Bongo's trousers?
They must be fucking sick
Was it some sinister cunt
Or who was that chick?
She said her name was Bernadette
But then she would say that
Anything to get those trousers
Sunglasses and hat
Who stole Bongo's trousers?
And his million-dollar shades?
Was it the CIA
Or the middle-european chambermaids
(OTHER VERSION: he says filippino chambermaids)
Whoever stole Bongo's trousers
The wraparounds an' hat
Deserves to get their fingers' broke
And that's the end of that
I'd kick them up the holiday money
(OTHER VERSION:I'd send in the UN troops... all systems go)
Should they ever show up
Coz Bongo minus trousers
I would not want to know
(OTHER VERSION: Equals: I don't wanna know)

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