Look at my facial hair
(Oh man, hot damn, it's everywhere, Where'd you get that beard?)
I grew it
(How do you keep it so clean?)
I shampoo it
(Yeah!)

I really wish I could grow a mustache (Why don't you?)
Well, frankly, I don't have the cash
You gotta take care of your facial hair
Otherwise it gets scruffy and bare

The elements of style, for the beard owner
The essential manual, for owners of beards

Trim it, cut it, comb it, style it
Clean it, and scent with violet
Love it, but don't get violent
Rub it, but not in public
Eat with it, but don't get messy
The only rule is keep it classy

I was on a fishing boat and I tried to grow a beard but it wouldn't float (Oh no)
Three weeks later, out at sea I realized this beard wasn't working for me (uh uh)
I tried to shave it off but I had no cream, everyone on the boat could hear me scream! (Ahhhhhh)

The elements of style, for the beard owner
The essential manual, for owners of beards

Love for me and love for you
Love for each other, baby be my boo
Love for me and love for you
Lust for my beard, look at what I grew
(x2)

Look at my sexy facial hair
Oh man, hot damn, it's everywhere!
(x2)

It's everywhere, it's everywhere
(x3)