Look Look Olha If you had If you had Se você tivesse One shot One shot Uma chance To sit on your lazy butt To sit on your lazy butt Pra sentar na sua bunda preguiçosa And watch all the TV you ever wanted And watch all the TV you ever wanted E assistir toda a TV que você sempre quis Until your brain turned to mush Until your brain turned to mush Até seu cérebro virar mingau Would you go for it? Would you go for it? Você aceitaria? Or just let it slip? Or just let it slip? Ou deixaria passar? Yo Yo Yo Remote is ready Remote is ready O controle remoto está pronto Eyes wide, palms are sweaty Eyes wide, palms are sweaty Olhos arregalados, palmas suadas There's Flintstones on the TV already There's Flintstones on the TV already Já tem Flintstones na TV Wilma 'n' Betty Wilma 'n' Betty Wilma e Betty No virgin to channel surfin' No virgin to channel surfin' Não sou virgem em sapear de canais And I'm HD-ready And I'm HD-ready E estou pronto pro HD So I flip So I flip Então me irrito Garbage is all I'm getting Garbage is all I'm getting Lixo é tudo que está passando There's Simon Cowell There's Simon Cowell Tem Simon Cowell Who folks wanna disembowel Who folks wanna disembowel Que alguns querem estripar He opens his mouth He opens his mouth Ele abre a boca Always says something foul Always says something foul Sempre diz algo horrível They're dyin', wow They're dyin', wow Estão morrendo, wow Wannabes are crying now Wannabes are crying now Impostores estão chorando agora He votes them out He votes them out Ele os elimina por votação Time to throw in the towel Time to throw in the towel Hora de jogar a toalha Shows based on reality Shows based on reality Shows baseados na realidade Oh, the humanity! Oh, the humanity! Oh, a humanidade! Oh, Ozzy's family Oh, Ozzy's family Oh, a família do Ozzy Sho' loves profanity Sho' loves profanity Esse show ama profanidade Whoa, the insanity Whoa, the insanity Whoa, a insanidade Oh, dogs that crap and pee Oh, dogs that crap and pee Oh, cachorros que fazem cocô e xixi Home of depravity? Home of depravity? Lar da depravidade? No, they live happily No, they live happily Não, eles vivem felizes Yo Yo Yo Plus "Da Ali G Show" Plus "Da Ali G Show" Além de "Da Ali G Show" And "Celebrity Mole" And "Celebrity Mole" E "Celebrity Mole" Oh, and there's Anna Nicole Oh, and there's Anna Nicole Oh, e tem a Anna Nicole Well, she's scaring me Well, she's scaring me Bem, ela está me assustando "Look ma, no cavities" "Look ma, no cavities" "Olhe, mãe, sem cáries" Oh, it's a station break Oh, it's a station break Oh, é um intervalo comercial Better go out to the kitchen and microwave something Better go out to the kitchen and microwave something É melhor eu ir pra cozinha e esquentar algo no microondas "You're gonna lose your mind watchin' TV" They told me, they'd scold me "You're gonna lose your mind watchin' TV" They told me, they'd scold me "Você vai perder a cabeça assistindo TV" , me disseram, me repreenderam But I'd still tune in every show (show) But I'd still tune in every show (show) Mas ainda assisti cada show (show) My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO Meu cabo pega C-SPAN, TV Land e HBO The Travel Channel, Discovery, and Lifetime (yo) The Travel Channel, Discovery, and Lifetime (yo) The Travel Channel, Discovery e Lifetime (yo) "You're gonna lose your mind watchin' TV" "You're gonna lose your mind watchin' TV" "Você vai perder a cabeça assistindo TV" They told me, cajoled me, "Turn off those music videos" (no) They told me, cajoled me, "Turn off those music videos" (no) Me disseram, me adularam, "Desligue esses vídeos de música" (não) I'm gonna watch C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO I'm gonna watch C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO Vou assistir C-SPAN, TV Land e HBO The History Channel and QVC and Lifetime (yo) The History Channel and QVC and Lifetime (yo) The History Channel e QVC e Lifetime (yo) (You're gonna) (You're gonna) (Você vai) My butt is aching My butt is aching Minha bunda está doendo As I watch NASCAR racing As I watch NASCAR racing Enquanto assisto às corridas da NASCAR That show about undertaking That show about undertaking Aquele show sobre empreendimentos Larry King Larry King Larry King To "24" to "Law And Order" To "24" to "Law And Order" E "24" e "Law & Order" The Weather Channel's boring like "60 Minutes"'s ancient reporters The Weather Channel's boring like "60 Minutes"'s ancient reporters O Canal do Tempo é chato assim como os repórteres anciões do "60 Minutes" Next up on "E! True Hollywood Story" Next up on "E! True Hollywood Story" A seguir, no "E! True Hollywood Story" The rise and decline of twelve actors named Corey The rise and decline of twelve actors named Corey A ascensão e declínio de doze atores chamados Corey Shows for next fall, they've already been namin' Shows for next fall, they've already been namin' Os shows do próximo outono já estão sendo nomeados "CSI: Boise" and "Touched By An Uncle" both sound pretty lame 'n' "CSI: Boise" and "Touched By An Uncle" both sound pretty lame 'n' "CSI: Boise" e "O Toque de Um Tio" ambos soam bem chatos So does "Everybody Tolerates Raymond" So does "Everybody Tolerates Raymond" Assim como "Todo Mundo Tolera o Raymond" And "King of Queens" jumped the shark the first minute And "King of Queens" jumped the shark the first minute E "O Rei do Bairro" quebrou tabu no primeiro minuto I can't believe Richard Simmons ain't in it I can't believe Richard Simmons ain't in it Não acredito que Richard Simmons não está nele I'll move right on to "8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenaged Daughter" I'll move right on to "8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenaged Daughter" Vou passar pra "8 Regras Simples pra Namorar Minha Filha Adolescente" Then I bet Then I bet Depois aposto que I watch "The Bachelorette" I watch "The Bachelorette" Vou assistir "A Despedida" Followed by "Welcome Back, Kotter" Followed by "Welcome Back, Kotter" Seguido de "Welcome Back, Kotter" And "The Muppet Show" where they go 'Mahna Mahna' And "The Muppet Show" where they go 'Mahna Mahna' E "O Show dos Muppets" onde cantam "Mahna Mahna" "You're gonna lose your mind watching TV" "You're gonna lose your mind watching TV" "Você vai perder a cabeça assistindo TV" They told me, they'd scold me They told me, they'd scold me Me disseram, me repreenderam But I'd still tune in every show (show) But I'd still tune in every show (show) Mas ainda assisti cada show (show) My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO Meu cabo pega C-SPAN, TV Land e HBO The Disney Channel and A&E and Lifetime (yo) The Disney Channel and A&E and Lifetime (yo) The Disney Channel e A&E e Lifetime (yo) "You're gonna lose your mind watching TV" "You're gonna lose your mind watching TV" "Você vai perder a cabeça assistindo TV" They told me, cajoled me They told me, cajoled me Me disseram, me adularam But I still love Lisa Kudrow (drow) But I still love Lisa Kudrow (drow) Mas ainda amo Lisa Kudrow (drow) I'm looking at C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO I'm looking at C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO Estou pensando em C-SPAN, TV Land e HBO The Playboy Channel and Court TV and Lifetime (yo) The Playboy Channel and Court TV and Lifetime (yo) The Playboy Channel e Court TV e Lifetime (yo) (You're Gonna) (You're Gonna) (Você vai) Never missed "Melrose Place" or "Lost In Space" Never missed "Melrose Place" or "Lost In Space" Nunca perdi um episódio de "Melrose" ou "Lost In Space" I've seen each "Amazing Race" and "Without A Trace" I've seen each "Amazing Race" and "Without A Trace" Vi cada "Amazing Race" e "Desaparecidos" But I only watched "Will And Grace" one time one day But I only watched "Will And Grace" one time one day Mas eu só assisti "Will e Grace" uma vez, só um dia Wish I hadn't 'cause TiVo now thinks I'm gay Wish I hadn't 'cause TiVo now thinks I'm gay Queria não ter visto, porque a TiVo agora acha que sou gay Oh, and "Fear Factor" I watched maybe a half hour Oh, and "Fear Factor" I watched maybe a half hour Ah, e "Fear Factor" assisti talvez uma meia hora After that, felt like I needed a long shower After that, felt like I needed a long shower Depois disso, senti que precisava de um longo banho Network execs with naked ambitions Network execs with naked ambitions Executivos das redes com ambições nuas "Next week on FOX, watch lions eat Christians" "Next week on FOX, watch lions eat Christians" "Semana que vem, na FOX, veja leões comendo Cristãos" Like to tie up those programming planners Like to tie up those programming planners Queria amarrar esses planejadores de programação Make 'em watch all of that junk 'til their heads explode just like "Scanners" Make 'em watch all of that junk 'til their heads explode just like "Scanners" Fazê-los assistir toda essa porcaria até suas cabeças explodirem, assim como em "Scanners" Leech-covered grub-eatin' fools on "Survivor" Leech-covered grub-eatin' fools on "Survivor" Trouxas comendo angu cobertos por sanguessugas em "No Limite" Look there's James Lipton discussing the oeuvre of Mr. Rob Schneider Look there's James Lipton discussing the oeuvre of Mr. Rob Schneider Olha, lá está James Lipton discutindo a obra do Sr. Rob Schneider And there's "Gilligan" and "SpongeBob", plus there's "MacGyver" And there's "Gilligan" and "SpongeBob", plus there's "MacGyver" E tem "Gilligan" e "Bob Esponja" , e também "MacGyver" And Jay Leno has got Madonna, hey there's Luke Perry on a And Jay Leno has got Madonna, hey there's Luke Perry on a E Jay Leno está com Madonna, hey, lá está o Luke Perry num Special all Pig-Latin episode of "Drew Carey" Special all Pig-Latin episode of "Drew Carey" Episódio especial todo em porco-latino do "Drew Carey" Wanna turn on "E.T." 'cause I'm a gossip freak Wanna turn on "E.T." 'cause I'm a gossip freak Quero ligar o "E. T." porque sou doido por fofocas And I gotta know who J. Lo is marryin' this week And I gotta know who J. Lo is marryin' this week E tenho que saber com quem a J. Lo vai se casar essa semana A 30 second spot A 30 second spot Um segmento de 30 segundos Then we come back to "Are You Hot?" Then we come back to "Are You Hot?" Depois voltamos pro "Are You Hot?" I was planning on recording "The Sopranos" I was planning on recording "The Sopranos" Eu planejava gravar "Os Sopranos" I forgot I forgot Eu esqueci I love shows with or without a plot I love shows with or without a plot Eu amo shows com e sem enredo I'll stare 'til my legs are numb, my eyes bloodshot I'll stare 'til my legs are numb, my eyes bloodshot Vou assistir até minhas pernas ficarem amortecidas, meus olhos avermelhados Because I only have got Because I only have got Porque eu só tenho One brain to rot One brain to rot Um cérebro pra apodrecer I'm gonna spend my life watching television a lot I'm gonna spend my life watching television a lot Vou passar minha vida assistindo televisão pra caramba "You're gonna lose your mind watching TV" "You're gonna lose your mind watching TV" "Você vai perder a cabeça assistindo TV" They told me, they'd scold me They told me, they'd scold me Me disseram, me repreenderam But I'd still tune in every show (show) But I'd still tune in every show (show) Mas ainda assisti cada show (show) My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO Meu cabo pega C-SPAN, TV Land e HBO The Sci-Fi Channel and AMC and Lifetime (yo) The Sci-Fi Channel and AMC and Lifetime (yo) The Sci-Fi Channel e AMC e Lifetime (yo) "You're gonna lose your mind watching TV" "You're gonna lose your mind watching TV" "Você vai perder a cabeça assistindo TV" They told me, cajoled me, "Turn off that Oprah Winfrey show" (no) They told me, cajoled me, "Turn off that Oprah Winfrey show" (no) Me disseram, me adularam, "Desligue esse Show da Oprah Winfrey" (não) I got it on C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO I got it on C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO Eu o assisto no C-SPAN, TV-Land e HBO The Learning Channel and MTV and Lifetime (yo) The Learning Channel and MTV and Lifetime (yo) The Learning Channel e MTV e Lifetime (yo) (You're gonna) (You're gonna) (Você vai) You can watch anything you want to, man You can watch anything you want to, man Você pode assistir qualquer coisa que quiser, cara